“People who are happily married like each other. If they did not, they would not be married ”(Gottman, 2015). But this does not mean that they do not do a constant job to stay that way. Each couple is unique, but what happily married couples have in common that they base their relationship on similar principles, including emotional intimacy (Beck, 1988).
The term intimacy comes from the Latin intimus, in relation to the innermost. Intimate, according to Peña-Marín (1989) refers to what unites closely by what is deeper (intimate relationships, intimate friend, intimate union). On the other hand, emotional intimacy refers to experiencing feelings of closeness. According to Martin (1994), this is known as love.
Likewise, intimacy, as defined by Dionne (1996) is a relationship of care without any pretext and a revelation of the members without risk of losing or winning for either. It is giving and receiving in an exchange that grows at the same time, which facilitates the awareness of oneself and the differences and similarities between the members. Intimacy creates and sustains acceptance while valuing uniqueness. Intimacy promotes continuity by keeping energy constant over time.
Intimacy begins when the same world is intentionally and deliberately shared: time, interests, feelings, thoughts, goals and ideals. To achieve this, couples must determine to spend time together and develop common interests that allow them to share them and get involved in them (Johnson, M. D., & Anderson, J. R. 2013).
A primary ingredient in emotional intimacy is friendship. Friendship (from Latin amicĭtas, by amicitĭa, from amicus, friend, which derives from loving) is an affective relationship between two or more people. Friendship is one of the most common interpersonal relationships that most people have in life.
Friendship is a key ingredient for a lasting marriage. Among the consequences of maintaining a good friendship with the couple in marriage are happiness, stability and the duration of relationships as a couple. So “those who genuinely consider their partner to be their best friend reach about twice as much satisfaction as their partner compared to others” (Johnson, M. D., & Anderson, J. R. 2013).
In today’s society, it is easier to leave a spouse than a friend. That is why it is important that marriage is built in a relationship of friendship since it has the guaranteed for a lifetime.
How to develop a relationship of friends with the spouse?
1. Sharing QUALITY TIME to be together, eat together and do activities together (do all things in mutual agreement) (Wilcox, 2005). Couples have to dedicate TIME and leave selfishness behind. Make the decision to make the commitment to start spending quality time to form a conjugal friendship.
2. Having an OPEN, transparent and honest COMMUNICATION (Beeke, J. R. 2017) .. Being open with a friend makes friendship grow in values, ideas, and their way of being in a transparent relationship. The same will happen with couples who practice it.
In marriage, friendship, as an affective relationship between two people, occurs exclusively. When the couple is married, it is very important that they redouble their efforts and be very careful in choosing whom they relate to, but even more importantly, how they relate to people of the opposite sex.
So here are some tips on how to maintain relationships with the opposite sex without affecting the friendship with our spouse:
1. Choose wisely with whom to spend time and avoid spending unnecessary time with someone of the opposite sex, for example, if you are looking for a personal trainer in the gym, it is better to choose the same sex.
2.- Share wisely, that is, no secrets, marital problems or intimacies are shared about oneself and marriage with someone other than the spouse.
3.- Try to be in a public place, never be alone with someone of the opposite sex and always with a third person.
4. Avoid being alone with a person of the opposite sex in a car, even for short journeys.
5. Pay attention to thoughts. If someone is thinking about someone other than the spouse and the spouses’ failures all day, it is important that a therapist be asked for help.
6.- No to comparisons. Comparing the spouse with a new acquaintance can cause the spouse’s qualities to be disregarded and the defects highlighted.
Activity: Evaluation questions about friendship with the spouse.
– Do you consider your spouse to be a personal friend?
– Do you believe that you are able to trust your spouse with anything?
– What are the feelings that take you away or bring you closer to your spouse?
– How do you express yourselves? In a way that you feel, are, and live like true friends?
– What is the difference in friendship with your spouse and friendship with any other person?
– Is a person of the opposite sex a friend more than your spouse?
We could add more questions although these can give an accurate answer to reality.
Don’t forget to give our opinion in this link. https://byui.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9SjnPyoBVTZskzX
REFERENCES
Beck T., Aaron (1988) Con el amor no basta, Editorial Paidós, México.
Beeke, J. R. (2017). Nurturing intimate communication with your spouse. Puritan Reformed Journal, 9(1), 265–278. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rlh&AN=120832245&site=eds-live
Dionne, Martha (1996) Intimidad y estilos atributivos en diferentes etapas del matrimonio. Tesis inedita de licenciatura. Universidad de las Americas, Puebla.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work : a practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert (Vol. [Second edition]). New York: Harmony. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN=840107&site=eds-live
Institute for American Values, 2005 Why marriage matters, second edition: twenty-six conclusions from the social sciences Family Scholars 44 pages https://irpcdn.multiscreensite.com/64484987/files/uploaded/Why-Marriage-Matters-Third-Edition-FINAL.pdf
Johnson, M. D., & Anderson, J. R. (2013). The longitudinal association of marital confidence, time spent together, and marital satisfaction. Family Process, 52(2), 244–256. https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2012.01417.x
Peña -Marín, C (1989) El discurso de la intimidad. En C. Castilla del Pino (Ed), De la intimidad (77-96). Barcelona: Grijalbo.Retrieved from https://es.scribd.com/document/239224142/Intimidad-y-Comunicacion
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MARRIAGE FIRST 